How to cope on Mother’s Day if you’ve lost a baby or experiencing a challenging journey to motherhood
Mother’s Day thoughts for those on a challenging journey to motherhood
Mother’s day can be an extremely tender time for so many as it shines the spotlight on how we feel about our own mothers, ourselves as mothers and as daughters. The focus on all things Mother can be particularly stark for women who have experienced the loss of their child or those experiencing a challenging journey to motherhood.
Mother’s Day is a beautiful opportunity to express love and receive. For others however, it creates the opposite. Trying to fit into the created Mother’s Day box brings huge amount of pressure. It can also amplify any sadness, loss, division, guilt, regret and jealousy and so much more.
So how can you best support yourself on Mother’s Day when you’re grieving your child or not yet a mum.
- Choose you. Notice the power and focus you are giving away to this day. It’s a created day with a one size fits all narrative when in reality motherhood being a mother, life itself is hugely complex. You don’t have to squeeze yourself into this box, see through it and create your own space. It may suit some but it doesn’t make you any less of a mother, a daughter or woman if the mother’s day box that’s promoted isn’t feeling helpful or kind to you, it’s not you that’s wrong, it’s the box we’re all being squeezed into that’s wrong.
- Reclaim the day as yours. Know you can create your own space to be in. Breathe, call yourself back from the all the external messaging and products of what you ‘should’ do and be experiencing and instead feel into how you wish to spend the day. There is no competition, right or wrong. No one’s life and experience is the same as the glossy advertising would have us believe. Take a moment to ask yourself, what do I need right now? Make plans if you wish and feel free to change your plans if you wish. Often we feel we have to put a brave face on. Know you’re already one of the bravest, strongest women. Strength is being with your emotions when you feel able. Strength is choosing you, no matter what.
- You are a mum every day to your spirit child, future child and children here. Honour your grief and your child and your journey so far, through honouring yourself and your needs. You haven’t only lost your child or maybe grieving that motherhood isn’t going to happen for you, you’ve lost who you thought yourself to be and expectations of how life was meant to be. Be open to finding who you are now after loss in a gentle space you can create for yourself. Be open to what your challenging conception journey has brought you, the beliefs and stories you’re telling yourself because of it and question – are they really true, who is the you that’s lying underneath the hurts? You might like to try various ways such as asking yourself, what brings peace to me now? Build this into your day, even it seems the smallest of acts and moments. Journaling, being in or near water or in nature. Sometimes breathing and being is all we can and need to do.
- Notice how the day is making you feel. Notice the triggers and hurts and observe them. They are not who you are and nor do they define you. They are parts of you that are hurting and need love and attention. Imagine a colour that feels supportive to flow to your hurts. Love and imagine hugging them. Know you’re not alone in your grieving and if it feels right, connect to other mum’s with children in spirit either physically or virtually, or just in your heart. My free Facebook support group is here if you wish.
- Ask for a sign from your child. This may not come in the way you expect. It may be through nature and a certain flower that catches your eye – look up the meaning behind the flower. It may be a bird or a cloud formation, a song or a message that pops up that captures your attention for a moment. These are all signs of love. Sit quietly and feel them around you. If it feels right, set the intention of imagining sitting in a beautiful meadow and invite the essence, of your child to be with you. Imagine a colour from your and your child’s heart and imagine placing your hand on their heart and feel their hand on yours. Notice the exchange of colour between you and your baby flowing through your arms and into your heart to feel your connection. Love is love whether together or apart.
Love and blessings.
Debra Kilby is a healer, channel, spirit baby medium and author or Rosa’s Choice: Healing the Wounds of the Mother. A Journey into the world of the spirit baby and how we can build a New Earth, together.
To work with me on a one to one basis for energy healing, channelled messages, journey to motherhood, soul plan awareness, healing and alignment, please take a look at my website: debrakilby.com or drop me a message.
- Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org for more information
Whether you’re wishing to birth deeper aspects of yourself or if you are on a journey to motherhood and wish to meet and birth your future babies, your journeys together with me are life-changing.
Please do book here for a free clarity call to find out more about working with me on a one to one basis. https://hellochat.as.me/?appointmentType=2795851
I will be running my signature fertility program – From Here to Maternity: 7 Steps to Meeting your baby starting on 22nd May. This will now be a 7 week program (yet to be updated on the website!) Take a look here or get in touch for more details.
Or join my closed FB group, Journey to Motherhood, for support in pre-conception, baby loss and birth trauma.